Sunday, April 16, 2006

I love my Parents

I know, I have not written in quite some time. On the one hand, I have been learning a lot, on the other hand, I had a lot of things in my mind that I had to think about alone before writing here.

After a lot of arguing with my parents, they kept telling me that they wouldn’t let me stay in Israel. I went to Rav Elon for advice and he told me that if all they were asking was 4 years, then after trying as much as I did, I should follow their orders. That day was an extremely depressing one because I knew that I had to follow my rabbi’s advice. I accepted the gzeira and told myself that if this is ratson hashem, I should be doing it with a smile.

A few weeks later, I got into another argument with my parents… I just couldn’t accept the gzeira. On the phone, my parents started telling me how they had enough. I should come back and stop annoying them. I answered back and, for the first time in 5 years, started crying to them of the phone, begging them to let me stay. How could they make this life-changing decision for me?

Since then, we haven’t talked about Israel. My life is full of highs and lows. When I forget I’m going back to Montreal, I’m in heaven, living the life I want to live. When I do remember, I have tears in my eyes. Sometimes I ask myself, how will I be able to look at my parents in the eyes when I go back when they are making me suffer so much, not only emotionally, but I know there will be even more hardships in the future because of this one decision.

However, I titled this post “I love my parents” because I really do love them. I know that everything they are doing is with the right intentions. They are blinded by their intentions and cannot see the obvious harm they are causing… but their intentions are pure. They want what is best for me. I love them with all my heart and thank them for always being there for me.


Anonymous said...

you are a tsadik..........i love you too .your dad

raymond illouz said...

you should write again........

it is amazing what you write.

keep going

we all love israel